Machete Kills 2013

Kyle Smith, New York Post: It's the kind of movie you pause to watch when it's on TV, but after half an hour, you'll click over to something else. Read more

Soren Anderson, Seattle Times: "Machete Kills" is just plain bad in a way that is in no way good. Read more

Andrew Barker, Variety: A surprisingly long-lived gag finally runs out of gas in Robert Rodriguez's noticeably duller, less outrageous sequel to 'Machete.' Read more

Josh Modell, AV Club: Its tongue is jammed so far in its cheek that it scans, at least in parts, like an Austin Powers movie, albeit one with multiple beheadings and disembowelings. Read more

Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic: A major disappointment. Read more

Tom Russo, Boston Globe: A conceptual throwback, to days when Roger Corman and other low-budget mavericks gleefully deemed any crazy idea worth tossing into a movie. Read more

Adam Graham, Detroit News: "Machete Kills" is barely a movie. It's an inside joke wrapped in a fanboy fantasy, pieced together through a haze of ironic detachment. Read more

Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly: Rodriguez's only real sin as a filmmaker is that he wants to give you way too much of a crazy ultraviolent good time. Read more

William Goss, Film.com: All of the silliness would be a bit more fun if it weren't so exhausting. Read more

Justin Lowe, Hollywood Reporter: Machete may kill, but on the second time around his repetitious, deadpan brand of humor really doesn't so much. Read more

Mark Olsen, Los Angeles Times: The strongest example yet of the corner [Rodriguez] seems to have painted himself into, a sad funhouse of bad movies made in thrall of bad movies. Read more

Amy Nicholson, L.A. Weekly: Even a movie where Sofia Vergara wears a strap-on crotch gun is less crazy than our national conversation about immigration Read more

Rafer Guzman, Newsday: It's saved by an enjoyably loopy script, several surprisingly strong performances, and the inventive direction of Robert Rodriguez, whose low-budget creativity is a performance in itself. Read more

Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger: Endless assault weapons, exploding helicopters, crashing cars and floors splattered with blood, limbs and entrails, all adding up to nothing. Read more

Ian Buckwalter, NPR: Where the first film reflected its simple roots by not reaching for too much, here it too often feels like Rodriguez is trying too hard to impress. Read more

Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News: "Machete Kills"? "Machete Bores" is more like it. Read more

Stephen Holden, New York Times: Until your eyes glaze over after about a half-hour, "Machete Kills" might put a twisted smirk of guilty amusement on your face. Read more

David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer: Machete Kills is a film in which style sardonically routs substance, a cloying gag built around the iconic quality of Trejo's matchlessly craggy face, which resembles a plate of sundried corned beef. Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: Machete Kills plays like a joke that's been told a few times too often. Read more

Peter Hartlaub, San Francisco Chronicle: "Machete Kills" is exploitation cinema, in the same way that a teen who pays $28 at the mall for a Sex Pistols T-shirt is a punk rocker. Read more

Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune: Robert Rodriguez is America's most frustrating filmmaker. Read more

Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: When a celebrity chef like Rodriguez is just going through the motions, we can smell that the grindhouse fad is way past its expiration date. It's time to put a fork in it. Read more

Dave McGinn, Globe and Mail: Machete kills, sure. Unfortunately, he overkills. Read more

Peter Howell, Toronto Star: Machete Kills is what happens when you stomp - or slash - a good idea to death. Read more

Alonso Duralde, TheWrap: The sequel Machete Kills opens with a fake trailer for a not-yet-produced third installment, then spends the next 100-plus minutes making a case for plunging a knife into the franchise's heart. Read more

Trevor Johnston, Time Out: Much as we want to relish the shameless parade of cartoon violence ... the soggy plotting and slack comic timing are downers. Read more

Joshua Rothkopf, Time Out: Intestines tangle in helicopter rotors, heads pop in spring-loaded decapitations, and there's even a new fake trailer up top. Little is believable, and that's exactly as it should be. Read more

Scott Bowles, USA Today: Machete Kills dulls more than anything. Read more

Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post: Uses a dull blade to hack away at the same targets that the first film so deftly eviscerated, namely B-movies. Read more