Mortdecai 2015

Alex Pappademas, Grantland: Mortdecai isn't particularly funny, but it's also not the Pistachio Disguisey 2015 train wreck the Internet has spent the last few months anticipating. It's brainless, but it's painless. Read more

Kyle Smith, New York Post: "Mortdecai" is mortdifying, a mortdal sin of a movie that's headed for the cinematic mortduary. Read more

Guy Lodge, Variety: Energetic but obstinately unfunny, David Koepp's throwback farce is a showcase for Johnny Depp at his most self-amused. Read more

Jesse Hassenger, AV Club: It's exactly the sort of oddball trifle, like Hudson Hawk, that tends to attract the ire of baffled audiences and grumpy critics. It's also the sort of oddball trifle that, like Hudson Hawk, will put certain aficionados of silliness in a pretty good mood. Read more

Leah Greenblatt, Entertainment Weekly: Go if you're a raging Anglophile with an afternoon to burn or you just love Depp, even at his hammiest. Otherwise, don't point this thing at you. Read more

Stephen Dalton, Hollywood Reporter: Mortdecai is an anachronistic mess that never succeeds in re-creating the breezy tone or snappy rhythm of the classic caper movies that it aims to pastiche. Read more

Gary Goldstein, Los Angeles Times: Those who do find their way into this supremely silly action-mystery caper are in for a few grins if not laughs thanks largely to the deft - and daft - performance of Johnny Depp in the title role. Read more

Amy Nicholson, L.A. Weekly: Daffy, dated, and precisely as intended. Read more

Rafer Guzman, Newsday: Depp's strenuously unfunny performance turns a frivolous caper comedy into a grim death march to the closing credits. Read more

Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger: "Don't be tiresome," Paltrow tells Depp at one point. Or did I forget myself and yell that at the screen myself? Read more

Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News: Johnny Depp has done so much for us. Let us now return the favor and pretend "Mortdecai," a disastrously misjudged career low, never existed. Read more

Stephen Holden, New York Times: Mr. Depp's wizardly expertise at disappearing into a character is intact. But what if that character isn't funny and hasn't an ounce of charm? Read more

Linda Barnard, Toronto Star: With art-heist caper Mortdecai, Johnny Depp tries his darnedest to start a kooky Austin Powers-like franchise with a side of bumbling Insp. Clouseau. But dash it all if it isn't a crashing bore, old bean. Read more

Alonso Duralde, TheWrap: While watching this new caper, I was reminded why movies like this are called souffles in the first place: if they don't stay perfectly aloft, they collapse. Read more

Tom Huddleston, Time Out: It's hard to escape the suspicion that the only people sure to enjoy 'Mortdecai' are Depp, Paltrow, Tim Burton and Madonna. Read more

Liz Braun, Toronto Sun: The humour is puerile and idiotic, but you may laugh out loud in spite of yourself -- especially if you're familiar with the Carry On movies or the original Pink Panther. Read more

Brian Truitt, USA Today: A whirlwind of horrible British accents, too much gagging and not enough good gags, and weak dialogue that, while not exactly terrible, is terribly boring. Read more

David Edelstein, New York Magazine/Vulture: Every time Depp gave a phlegmy little stammer and jauntily uttered lines like, "I say, old bean," I wanted to bop him on the same with a rotten tangerine. Read more