The Watch 2012

Richard Corliss, TIME Magazine: You're unlikely to laugh much, and you may get an unexpected case of the non-art-imitates-bad-life creeps. Read more

Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle: We're talking about a dozen or so taken-by-surprise, spontaneous and genuine "Ha!" moments. And always one "ha," never two. Read more

Glenn Kenny, MSN Movies: In the end, the jokes aren't funny enough, and there aren't enough of them to make up for the sound and fury and incoherence and, yeah, for the preponderance of damn shooting. Read more

Stephen Holden, New York Times: Directed by Akiva Schaffer from a screenplay by Jared Stern, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, the movie clumsily juggles two loosely connected concepts. Read more

Claudia Puig, USA Today: The film is one long Costco joke -- but the punch line is never all that funny. Read more

Jake Coyle, Associated Press: Though many of the jokes land, some of them feel like a game of penis-related Mad Libs. Read more

Moira MacDonald, Seattle Times: "The Watch" just feels like yet another generic Hollywood product; raunchier and dumber than it needs to be, never as funny as it wants to be. Read more

Keith Phipps, AV Club: It's a weirdly pokey exercise that rarely gets the best out of those involved. Read more

Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic: If you want a descriptive term, "disappointment" should cover it. Read more

Ty Burr, Boston Globe: It's another one of those loud, penis-obsessed bro farces, lazily written (by actor Seth Rogen, among others) and haphazardly directed (by Akiva Schaffer, longtime "SNL" writer and part of the Lonely Island comedy team). Read more

J. R. Jones, Chicago Reader: Much of the action takes place after hours in the Costco managed by Stiller's character, but the laughs are not available in bulk. Read more

Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune: It sticks in the craw. Read more

Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor: It's a mash-up of blah buddy comedy and gross-out CGI monster splatter, with nary a laugh to be had. Read more

Tom Long, Detroit News: Really, wait for it on cable. At least then you'll be able to change the channel. Read more

Lisa Schwarzbaum, Entertainment Weekly: Director Akiva Schaffer, excellent when directing and co-writing SNL Digital Shorts, has his hands full just trying to attach one ill-fitting scene to another, with little opportunity to establish a coherent style or, for that matter, a coherent shot list Read more

Laremy Legel, Film.com: Though it's never transformational, it's mostly amusing. Which counts! Read more

Sheri Linden, Hollywood Reporter: It's not likely that a big-screen alien invasion has ever felt less urgent. Read more

Betsy Sharkey, Los Angeles Times: Some of the phallic jokes work, others are really lame. Fortunately there are many other funny bits that have nothing to do with body parts that keep the laughs coming. Read more

Randy Myers, San Jose Mercury News: Fortunately, everyone in the cast steps up to the plate and tags the bases convincingly. Read more

Connie Ogle, Miami Herald: It's just an excuse for jokes about male genitalia and its operational weaknesses. Read more

Rafer Guzman, Newsday: For hang time with the guys, you could do worse than "The Watch." Read more

Scott Tobias, NPR: The Watch perks up when Ayoade's spacey line readings give it something unique and unexpected - otherwise, per Costco, audiences are buying their generic sci-fi comedy in bulk. Read more

Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News: It has bodily humor that tilts so far out of funny they land in "clinically embarrassing." And it makes Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill yell like hyenas to keep things lurching along. Read more

Kyle Smith, New York Post: The "action" scenes come across as brief, noisy periods of rest from the lame comedy, which counts for something, if not quite what the filmmakers intended. Read more

Steven Rea, Philadelphia Inquirer: Ayoade, the writer and director of last year's charming U.K. indie Submarine, brings a stranger-in-a-strange-land naivete to the proceedings. He's The Watch's biggest surprise - not that there are many. Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: The Watch is a studio turd marinated in eau de skunk that stinks worse than week-old fish. Read more

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: "The Watch" has lots of energy but not much inspiration. Read more

Peter Travers, Rolling Stone: What should have been at least Ghostbusters lite ends up sliming audiences with sloppy seconds. Read more

Colin Covert, Minneapolis Star Tribune: The bar is high for bad comedies, but "The Watch" promises to be this summer's worst. Read more

Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch: If this movie wanders into your neighborhood, the only watch that will hold your attention is the timepiece on your wrist. Read more

Rick Groen, Globe and Mail: Improvisation is definitely The Watch-word, with Vaughn and Hill in particular winging just about every line they speak - most of them filthy, few of them funny. Read more

Alonso Duralde, TheWrap: Imagine Attack the Block, only set in America. With a mostly middle-aged cast. And not funny. Or exciting. Read more

Guy Lodge, Time Out: A film packaged as pure product, aiming to snare the combined markets for loudmouth comics, sci-fi action and, er, Richard Ayoade - who, however seemingly misplaced, is the freshest thing here. Read more

David Fear, Time Out: The bespectacled Ayoade is the odd man out in the group, and his offbeat, eerily cheery reading of every line lends the movie its single aspect of unpredictability. Read more

Linda Barnard, Toronto Star: The Watch is a predictable and lazy comedy wrapped around a penis joke occasionally enlivened with some funny lines. Read more

Justin Chang, Variety: A lowbrow, lame-brained mash-up of buddies-on-patrol comedy and sci-fi actioner. Read more

Ann Hornaday, Washington Post: "The Watch" takes the same ethos of male bonding, obsession with sex and sardonic violence that has proved so profitable in recent years on yet another summer spin. Read more