Universal Soldier: The Return 1999

Barbara Shulgasser, Chicago Tribune: If Universal Soldier: The Return isn't the dullest, most derivative, unimaginative, noisy, repetitive, mind-numbing and generally imbecilic movie of the year, it's not because director Mic Rodgers wasn't trying hard enough. Read more

Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times: The sleek and exciting action-filled Universal Soldier: The Return stars Jean-Claude Van Damme in a satisfying sequel to one of his biggest hits. Read more

Jeff Millar, Houston Chronicle: The film fails, utterly, at virtually anything it attempts. Read more

John Hartl, Seattle Times: The Return has the cramped, shoddy look of a straight-to-video knock-off. Read more

Susan Stark, Detroit News: Read more

Lawrence Van Gelder, New York Times: If the world is ever to be truly safe from Universal Soldiers, they, like Achilles, can suffer a mortal wound in only one place. For them, it's the box office. Read more

Rod Dreher, New York Post: The Muscles from Brussels mouths dialogue that wouldn't challenge a bivalve - and in an accent that makes Stallone sound like a master of elocution. Read more

Lisa Alspector, Chicago Reader: This SF action sequel must have been slapped together fast: live-action stunts created by uninspired editing lead up to computer-generated imagery that's just as lame. Read more

Keith Phipps, AV Club: For the record, this is the fourth Universal Soldier movie if you count two cable sequels, but why would you? Read more

Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly: It's actually the fourth entry in the series, after a couple of straight-to-cable sequels. That's a lot of pulp to squeeze out of a concept that was fairly juiceless to begin with. Read more

Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail: Van Damme's acting skills remains undetectable. Read more

Ron Givens, New York Daily News: You, dear moviegoer, must not buy a ticket to this badly programed sequel. You must save the world from Universal Soldier III: How Bad Can It Get? Read more

James Berardinelli, ReelViews: Despite all the pyrotechnics, I almost dozed off twice! Read more

Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle: Universal Soldier is nothing for anyone to be proud of, on either side of the screen. Read more

Tom Huddleston, Time Out: Filling out and greying at the temples, Van Damme is far from convincing, even in the tedious fight sequences. Read more

Joe Leydon, Variety: An underwhelming follow-up to one of the career-stalled action star's better efforts. Read more